“…ranged along these ledges or shelves were thousands of tiny figures, mostly grayish in color. These figures, not much longer than a man’s hand, represented men, and so cleverly were they made that Conan recognised various racial characteristics in the different idols, features typical of Zingarans, Argosseans, Ophireans and Kushite corsairs.” –Pool of the Black One

My addiction to crack began in the 1980s and I’m still recovering. 

No, not that crack; I’m talking about plastic crack–the kind molded into tiny facsimiles of people, factory-painted and outfitted with weapons of war (which we affectionately call accessories). I’m talking about action figures, of course. Figure collecting is a strange little hobby once reserved for kids, but now dominated by grown-ass men, like me, who play out power fantasies of good vs evil–or merely stick them on a shelf. Kids were expected to grow out of this, and most probably did, but there remains a niche of 30-50 somethings who’ve never kicked the habit and have raised entire armies of useless-but-pretty plastic people. 

I’m not going to spend much time explaining how influential Masters of the Universe (MOTU) was, nor will I revisit old tales about the Conan/He-man connection. I’ll simply point out that the MOTU aesthetic was largely inspired by the Frazetta aesthetic and that the Frazetta aesthetic became the Conan aesthetic upon which most barbarian aesthetics are based. Still with me?

The point is, in the 80s, when MOTU exploded into pop culture with all that color and all those muscles, the aesthetic of toys moved on from the drab colors and thin frames of Star Wars figures and led us to a new and mighty frontier for toy soldiers. 

Sadly, even with this sea change, with professional wrestling at an all-time high–when the Ultimate freakin’ Warrior ran around like a mad man, looking like a Conan-fueled fever dream–our favorite barbarian was not exactly getting his due in the figure sphere. 

So, come hither, O’ Prince, and let me tell you of the days of high-tops and heavy metal. Follow me into the grunge soaked 90s, all the way to our current epoch, 2025, a time of plenty hitherto undreamed of. You may not be aware, but Mitra is about to bless us with what is poised to become the greatest Conan figure of all time–one molded not only from plastic, but perhaps from a piece of the fabled Black Stone as well! To herald its coming, let’s look back, all the way to the 1970s, to get a sense of just how far we’ve come. 

Before Star Wars and before MOTU, we had Mego–a line of figures featuring everyone from Spider-Man to Mr. Spock. And, due to his popularity at the time, we also got our first plastic Conan. While this one certainly offers nostalgic charm, he also resembles the murderous Zuni Fetish Doll from ‘Trilogy of Terror’ (1975).

After Masters of the Universe took the world by storm in 1982, many of our treasured toys got the trenbolone treatment, adopting decidedly beefier frames. Enter: Remco. In 1984, the toy company released a number of Conan figures, including – for the only time in history – a Thoth-Amon figure! They looked very much like MOTU toys, scaled in the same 5.5 inches with thews built for snapping bull necks!

Next, in 1992, seemingly out of nowhere, the Conan the Adventurer cartoon debuted and the “Mightiest warrior ever” became what is arguably the naughtiest Conan ever. If you’ve ever held one and used its action figure, you’ll understand. May cause blindness. Harry palms not included.

In 2004, overlapping with Dark Horse’s legendary run of Conan comics, came McFarlane Toys’ Conan series. While these figures functioned more as statues, featuring minimal articulation, they were a cut above in terms of aesthetic. Not only that, but–for the first time–these figures focused on adapting Robert E. Howard’s Conan, featuring characters such as Belit, Pallantides, and the Haunter of the Pits. They may have been stiff and static, but Crom damn it, they were pretty.

Another notable release was 2007’s Conan and Wrarrl (an old adversary from the Marvel years) 2-pack from the LCBH line. While it was a one-and-done, it gave us a decently articulated Conan who scaled well with other popular figures. Conan could battle Wrarrl, sure, but he could also battle Spider-Man, or hand Batman his ass, should you choose to destroy your own childhood. 

Next came Neca. These days they’re undeniably giants in the action figure world, but in 2011 they remained a rising star. For a brief, they released a handful of Conan figures based on the 1982 film. While these looked great, like the McFarlane figures they offered very little in terms of articulation, so the quest for a perfect Conan line continued.

While Conan enthusiasts trudged on, the Figures Toy Company released not only a new Conan figure, but a Solomon Kane and Kull as well. Figure collectors often get prickly when you refer to their treasured possessions as dolls, but in the case of these Mego throw-back toys, the label kind of fits. Hell, who doesn’t want to brush Solomon Kane’s hair?!

In 2019, Super 7, a toy company famous for resurrecting the Masters of the Universe line (MOTU Classics), applied their winning formula to our favorite Cimmerian. And this wasn’t just any Conan. No no. for their first release they opted to adapt Barry Windsor Smith’s Conan from the debut issue of Marvel’s mega-selling comic book. This was the Conan figure many of us had been waiting for. It was an excellent blend of aesthetic and articulation with modern tooling and paint applications. I believe it’s fair to say this figure represents the first step into the golden age of Conan toys we’re currently living in.

Here me, Dog Brothers and know: the present is lush and the future is bright. Conan figures of most scales and conceivable aesthetics are already available or soon will be. There’s never been a better time to be a Conan collector, so let me give you a little preview. 

Super 7 alone has several active Conan lines. The first and longest running among them (Ultimates) features premium 7” scale figures from the Conan the Barbarian movie. As with their first release, these come with a bounty of weapons and options, and because this is a movie line, each item is drawn from John Milius’ 1982 masterpiece. Speaking of the classic film, another of their lines adapts the movie but in a retro 3.75” style, similar to the old Kenner Star Wars figures. Finally, just over the horizon, are their upcoming comic-inspired releases, similar in approach to their first Barry Windsor Smith inspired-figure, but this time we’re getting a King Kull as well!

Over the past few years, Mezco released 3 different Conan figures for their ONE:12 line, each of them highly articulated, featuring soft goods and more heads, hands and accessories than there are drunks in the Maul. The first two were based on Frank Frazetta’s legendary Conan paintings (Conan The Barbarian and Conan the Conqueror); their follow-up was King Conan (inspired by numerous artistic renderings over the years), and their next release will be a Conan movie figure, decked out in warpaint (Conan the Barbarian 1982: War Paint Edition).

Now, perhaps you prefer your Hyborian Age toys in a more classic scale. If so, if you are indeed a person of refined tastes, then you’ll soon have the option to pick up Boss Fight Studio’s decidedly beefy 5.5” Conan. Now Conan can battle that do-no-wrong Eternian He-Man and secure fur diaper supremacy!

Speaking of Frazetta, the Frazetta Girls have a brand new Conan deluxe figure set to drop in June. This one is part of their Icon line and is, of course, based on Frank’s seminal depiction of the Cimmerian. It is my humble opinion that this figure will become the gold standard and a centerpiece for many Conan collections. There is only one other challenger on the horizon.

Later this year, Heroic Signatures plans to release their own Conan figure, and they’re pulling out all the stops to make this a truly unique collector’s item. Like the Frazetta Girls’ Icon figure, the “Conan Black Stone” figure has been designed by Eamon O’Donoghue and will offer a premium blend of great articulation and peerless aesthetic. Aside from the figure being steeped in Jim Zub’s ongoing contributions to post-Howard Conan lore, this one will be special as it’s modeled after Roberto De La Torre’s artwork. Zub and De La Torre have already cemented themselves as classic creators carrying on Howard’s tradition. This release will further immortalize their efforts, and may very well become the flagship Conan figure for years to come. Don’t believe me? Have a look for yourself.

If the figure itself–with its faithful adherence to De La Torre’s grim and brutal Conan art– wasn’t enough, behold the accessories! Aside from multiple heads, hands, axes and swords, the Black Stone Conan comes packed with a veritable war chest full of deep cuts. Might these be the weapons of other Howard heroes? Is that Solomon Kane’s staff? Brule’s spear? A pistol!? If you’ve read the Black Stone series, you’ll know what (and whom) these weapons represent. If you haven’t read it, fix that immediately. In any case, when your Black Stone Conan needs to deal death, he’ll have plenty of options. 

While it’s been a long road to get here, I dare say, the journey is just beginning, and the possibilities are endless. What other characters from the Howard-verse might be waiting to break from their plastic prisons and wreak havoc on our shelves? Only Crom knows, and he doesn’t care to say. 

For now, say no to crack, but say yes to plastic crack!