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How Tall is Conan, & Why Should You Be Afraid of Him?

by Lo Terry on January 30, 2025
  • Your favorite merchant, Rialto, here, reporting from behind a suspiciously reinforced counter

    Listen, my dear customers and potential sources of income. 

    Every day, some silk-wrapped noble or overeager adventurer swaggers into my humble establishment, eyeing my collection of “Authentic Cimmerian Artifacts” (don’t ask about authenticity certificates, please), and asks me, “Rialto, you’ve met the brute – how tall IS he really?”

    Usually, I just point them toward my extensive collection of “healing potions” and suggest they go find out themselves. The ones who survive might come back with an answer – and more coin for my coffers! 

    But today? Today I’m feeling generous. So let me tell you why asking about Conan’s height is like trying to measure a hurricane with a merchant’s measuring stick – technically possible, but you’re rather missing the point.

    Conan The Barbarian How Tall is Conan, & Why Should You Be Afraid of Him?

    The Numbers Don’t Lie (But They Might Get Punched)

    Here’s the fascinating thing about all the tales of our favorite barbarian – no two seem to agree. 

    Oh, the bards and chroniclers throw around words like “gigantic” and “towering,” but any merchant worth their salt knows this: sometimes, not knowing the exact measure of something makes it all the more valuable in the telling. 

    Think about it. When’s the last time you were genuinely terrified by someone after getting their exact measurements? “Oh no, he’s precisely 6’4″ and three-quarters inches! Run!”

    No, they understand that the most awe-inspiring factor of Conan’s height is the presence it affords him. 

    The Reputation That Fills The Room

    There’s this beautiful moment in “The Black Stranger” that really captures what we’re talking about. By this point in his career, Conan’s graduated from being the guy telling tales to being the guy in the tales. He walks into a room full of hardened killers, and you know what happens?

    Silence. Pure, terrified silence.

    Because they know. They know he’s the monkey wrench in every perfect plan, the fly in everyone’s ointment, the chaos factor that no amount of plotting can account for. It doesn’t matter if Conan is 6 feet or 7 feet or 20 feet tall. His presence fills the entire room, making him seem bigger than any mere measurement could capture.

    Conan The Barbarian How Tall is Conan, & Why Should You Be Afraid of Him?

    When Size Definitely Mattered

    Want to know something amazing? For a guy frequently described as “gigantic,” Conan’s got the stealth skills of a panther. In “Beyond the Black River,” this mountain of muscle moves through the wilderness like a shadow. And in “God in the Bowl”? Three seconds. That’s all it took for him to turn a room full of captors into a room full of regret.

    But here’s my favorite part – the time he handled a Frost Giant. Picture this: an 8-10 foot tall monster of ice and hatred, probably featured in one of those gorgeous Frazetta paintings you’ve got hanging in your study. Most men would soil themselves. Conan? He just… gutted it. Because of course he did.

    Though I should mention – and this is important – Conan’s no fool. When faced with truly eldritch horrors (like that “dragon” in “Red Nails”), he’s not above tactical retreat. Because sometimes being tall means you’re smart enough to duck.

    Modern Comparisons (Or: Why Your Gym Routine Won’t Help)

    Let’s talk about how our boy would stack up against the realm’s finest specimens. A Nemedian prize champion? An undefeated pit-fighter from Zamora? A mountain of a man called something terrifying like Vanir Doom-Bringer?

    Before we answer, let me tell you something about Conan: he doesn’t train with silk-wrapped warriors in perfumed gardens. He swabs decks because the alternative is death. Every muscle, every movement, every reaction is honed by actual survival, not arena acclaim.

    A hypothetical Doom-Bringer might give him a fair fight for about thirty seconds. After that? Well, let’s just say Conan’s motivation isn’t winning a golden belt.

    Conan The Barbarian How Tall is Conan, & Why Should You Be Afraid of Him?

    The Real Answer (And A Merchant’s Warning)

    So how tall is Conan really? 

    Well, as someone who’s had the misfortune of attempting to overcharge him exactly once – tall enough to reach your strongbox, short enough to duck under your best security measures, and just the right height to cast a shadow that sends my most valuable customers running for the door. 

    Speaking of shadows and terror – have you heard about what our favorite barbarian’s been up to in the Rotlands? 

    Now there’s a place where knowing someone’s exact height won’t help you survive. A place plagued by a contaminating supernatural force that warps all who go there. And who do I hear is stomping through that delightful vacation spot? Our very own Conan.

    Grab yourself a copy of “Cult of the Obsidian Moon” and watch how he towers above the terrifying cosmic horrors of the Rotlands.

    And you know what? I am feeling generous today. I’ll let you have it for the standard price. No haggling, either – I’ve learned my lesson about that with Cimmerians.

    Conan The Barbarian How Tall is Conan, & Why Should You Be Afraid of Him?

  • Lo Terry

    In his effort to help Heroic Signatures tell legendary stories, Lo Terry does a lot. Sometimes, that means spearheading an innovative, AI-driven tavern adventure. In others it means writing words in the voice of a mischievous merchant for people to chuckle at. It's a fun time.

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